Fathers and daughters

This just says it all!


Article published Nov 14, 2007
Fathers mold their daughter's values
SHERRY SPROUSE
Commentary
"Nothing is dearer to a father than a daughter," the ancient Greek playwright Euripides once wrote. "Sons have spirits of higher pitch, but they are not given to fondness."

About 20 centuries after this observation, fathers and daughters continue to experience a special relationship. It is not necessarily more important than that of father and son. But it is certainly one that requires sensitivity.

Without a doubt, a father's influence on his daughter's life is powerful. He is the man who will mold her personal values and set the standard of expectations for the other men who will cross her path: the boyfriends, professionals, co-workers, friends and husband. And he is the man to whom she can go to for comfort, advice and love.

In an analysis of nearly 100 studies on parent-child relationships, father's love was as important as mother's love in predicting the social, emotional and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults: Consider these facts from the organization Dads & Daughters:


Withdrawal of love by either the father or the mother was equally influential in predicting a child's emotional instability, lack of self-esteem, depression, social withdrawal and level of aggression;

In some studies, father's love was actually a better predictor than mother's love for certain outcomes including delinquency and conduct problems, substance abuse and overall mental health and well-being;

A recent study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse shows 42 percent of teens who don't use marijuana credit that decision to their parents' influence;

Girls without fathers are almost 40 percent more likely to abuse drugs;

Even when fathers do not live at home, children whose fathers are actively involved in their lives tend to have fewer behavioral problems.
A daughter must be given the tools and skills necessary for her survival in the world of tomorrow. Some of these skills a mother will provide, but most are provided by her father. These tools and skills are so important to a daughter's self-image, safety and self-sufficiency in the world she must grow up in.

It is important to understand that the bond doesn't dissipate at a preappointed age or because of some specific reason. It is a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Regardless of the age, the father is always the father, and the daughter is always the daughter. The bond and the love that exists between them is no less when the daughter is 50 than when she is 5.

Fathers can and do make a difference when it comes to parenting their daughters. A daughter will always look to her father as the one man in her life who will always be there when she needs him.

If a father wants his daughter to be capable, talented, competent and to feel beautiful and to believe in herself, he must value her talents and trust her insights. And his behavior, not just his words, will be her guide. A father will give her the edge she needs in order to feel self-love and the confidence necessary to meet the rigors of personal and professional achievement head-on.

Ten tips for even better dad and daughter relationships:

1. Listen to her. Focus on what she thinks, believes, feels, dreams and does, not on how she looks.

2. Tell her-often-that you love her.

3. Encourage her strengths and help her develop them to achieve her goals, help other people and help herself.

4. Respect her uniqueness. Urge her to love her body and who she is and not what advertisers and the media say is the "right look"

5. Encourage her to play sports and be physically active. Start young to play catch, tag, jump rope or just take walks. Physically active girls are less likely to get pregnant, drop out of school or put up with abuse. The most physically active girls have fathers who were active with them.

6. Get involved in her school. Volunteer, chaperone, read to her class.

7. Get involved in her activities. Drive, coach, play.

8. Take her to work with you. Show her what you do. She cares more than you think.

9. Support positive alternative media for girls. Watch programs as a family that portrays smart, responsible girls.

10. Learn from other fathers. Together fathers have reams of experience, expertise and encouragement.

Few of life's relationships compare to that of a father and daughter. From the first time she grasps his finger to the day he lets go, their bond deepens. The above statistics prove that their relationship not only affects their family but also society.

Sherry Sprouse is director of Heartbeat of Sandusky County.

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